A Dream Gleeky Dream Come True

There is no excuse for this blog post being this late, except for to say, I was ambivalent about writing is. Then I decided 'Eff it! I owe it to the gleeks of the world' to talk about my experience with DJing the Glee National Live Tour after party at the fabulous 6th Street Kitchen owned by my friend, Chris Genoversa.

It happened the way all of these Hollywood/New York City dream stories happen--very quickly. One minute Im on the phone with Sophia talking shop, the next, Chris is calling me to ask if I can show up in 6 hours to the restaurant...cuz the Glee cast is coming. Is you crazy? Hellz-to-the-yes I'll be there.

I show up around 11pm, already one hour past my bedtime, and chef Brandon and the rest of the kitchen guys were there along with Darren and another waiter. Coffee. Me, a self-professed non-coffee drinker needed coffee to both wake up and still my nerves (oh the irony). I felt like I was going to throw up. I was going to meet BRITTANY!!??? OH. M. GEE! It starts off with the sweet costume designer and a handful of back-up dancers and singers showing up around 11:30. It was all very civilized.

The menu, was, as usual, amazing: chorizo sliders with manchego and aoili, veal and lamb meatballs, delectable beet salad, and some to-die-for brownies ( i almost climaxed when I ate mine. sad but true). Okay, but ya'll wanna know was there? ER'EBODY, except Puck and Mercedes and Sue and Will. what up wit dat? I can understand my gf Jane Lynch and sexy Matty M. not showing up, but I really was hoping to catch a glimpse of Amber Riley (Mercedes) and Mark Salling's Puck. Alas.

All I have to say is that Kevin McHale (Artie) and Jenna Ushkowitz (Tina) are as funny, quirky and sweet-as-pie as you would expect. These actors have manners and style. When Kevin asked me, oh-so-politely if I had Usher's "OMG," I rushed to find that shit (after my hands stopped shaking) just to see him dance more. He can jam. What else? Harry Shum (Mike aka Other Asian) and Dijon Talton (Matt aka Shaft (thank you Sue Sylvester)), are incredibly talented, handsome, sexy men, if I went that way, mm, mm, mm, mama would likey. Ahem, Didja know that Dijon's cousing is my wish-wife, Meagan Good? mm, Megan. Okay. Cory Monteith (aka Finn) was totally quiet and politely Canadian. Perhaps one of the straightest men I've met in a long time. Naya Rivera (Santana) walked in and the finest quotient went up about 1000%. I used to think Lea Michele's anti-hero Rachel was my favorite, but Heather Morris as Brittany has my heart. Lea walked in the latest sporting a smile and great dance moves. I didn't recognize Dianna Argon (Quinn) cuz diva was rocking the biggest Aretha Franklin-esque hat to obscure her visage. All these tricks were dancing like crazy. Chris Colfer (Kurt) was a bit shy but right up in the fray dancing and singing away.

And then there was Heather Morris--what a ham! Making screw faces every tome someone took jer picture, doing the running man and cutting up, having a really good time. She's got some true comedic talent--like Lucile Ball/Carol Burnett/Gilda Radner potential. Sigh. I kept thinking to myself, 'you're my favorite.' But who wants to say a thing like that to a stranger? No, no, I kept my shades on and spun out the tunes. At one point, one of the dancers said, 'look at the DJ getting down.' It's true, you can't spin that good as music ("Rhythm of the Night" Hello!!!) and not feel it.

I was so bummed when I didn't get ticket to Radio City Music Hall to see the Glee cast, but Iw as blessed with a much better gift--I get to say and know tthe cast and crew and creators and executives of Glee danced and sang the night away to the music I played.

Favorite Moments of the Night:

--Creator/Producer/Director Ryan Murphy telling me I was doing a "great job" spinning...DYING!!!!

--Kevin McHale talking to me.

--Naya Rivera asking me where the bathroom was

--overhearing some juicy ass gossip about someone's sexuality. ha ha ha.

--just watching it all, taking it all in, hands shaking and all.

--seeing Harry Shum and Dijon Talton singing to Beyonce's "Ego."

--the whole figgin' night!

the only thing that could possibly top this is the cast of 30 Rock partying at 6th Street Kitchen. Are you listening Tina Fey?

Letter to President Obama

Some people say, writing letters, protesting, and forums of all sorts do no good. I can not stand by and not raise my voice in dissent to more war. This is not just a commitment to railing against wars started, continued or waged by governments, but it is a call for me and those I love to learn new ways to operate in the world. How do I let go of aggression, resentment, ego, sarcasm, fear, gossip as strategies? These are acts of war! True story. I say I'm against war, but I am not against talking shit about someone, defending MY position, making enemies, may times without conscious thought or a backward look. So, yes, waging material war and murdering and raping people and land is a gross form of aggressive warfare, but it is built upon smaller acts of aggression: discrimination, intolerance, superiority and other forms of power plays. So, I composed a letter, not the most eloquent, but full of my heart, to President Obama. I hope he reads it, I hope, I pray, I fervently want there to be room for us to solve problems without killing, without making money off of murder, without this having to be "the way it is" because someone with a lot of dough is talking in his ear about being "tough on terrorism." There is obviously more going on than I can ever know, but just because I like this guy and not the last one, doesn't mean I support war, this war, any war.

So, here it is:




Dear Mr. President:

I am extremely disappointed in your decision to send 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan. While I whole-heartedly support the safe return of women and men who are in the battle zone, I also am afraid for the Afghan women, men and children who will continue to die at our hands, by your command. You said that America has never been a colonial power, (a lawerly equivocation sir), but we certainly are currently engaging in deadly imperialist tactics in Afghanistan, Iraq and other places in the world.

Why are we there? For Osama Bin Laden? Please. If we're there for oil, strategic position, or poppy, be more honest about that. Frankly, with unemployment reaching nearly 30% for some communities (Detroit), shouldn't the State of Emergency be sounding loudly for our own doomed economy?

I am one of your strongest supporters. As a act of love and conscience, I ask you to drop the smooth facade and truly lead us somewhere brave and enlightened, some place that does not follow the same script of greed, war, corporations, blind capitalism, crusading Christianity and xenophobic hatred.

Are you REALLY dedicated to making America a place of thoughtful leadership and citizenry? Or will you go down in history as another aborted dream, who crumbled to the will of those filled with lust for power and greed for resources?

I love you sir and your family.

Sincerely,

Shante Tanishia Smalls

Pre-Halloween Annoucement

Hey all you nerd balls who like to plan ahead, check this out:


The program is as follows: The Social Text Collective cordially invites you to our

30th Anniversary Soirée

Friday, November 13, 2009
Philosophy Hall, Room 301
Columbia University
1150 Amsterdam Avenue


4:00 - 5:00 PM
Roundtable Discussion
Lisa Duggan
Jean Franco
Fred Moten
Gyan Prakash

5:30 - 7:30 PM
Reception

Please join us as we celebrate 30 years of Social Text, the recent publication of our 100th issue, and the launch of our new website www.socialtextjournal.org-->doesn't seem to be working yet.

Photo: "Reading Social Text 1 (North Amazon River Basin, Peru)" © Jorge Alberto Perez, 2009.

Yoga in the 'Hood

I've been a consistent yoga practitioner since 2004, when I started taking advantage of the cheap yoga classes offered to NYU students through their recreation program. It was affordable, convenient, and helped me re-build and re-shape my body after going through a number of surgeries. As time went on, I began to develop, what I like to call "yoga hunger,": wanting to go to class all the time, searching for the"best" teachers and studios, constantly wanting to do more challenging poses, basically pumping up my ego. After a few years of that, and a number of serious injuries, I made my way to the Integral Yoga Institute, where I learned to slow down and let go of some of that ego-enthusiasm.

At some point, I was introduced to Ellen Saltonstall, a certified Anusara teacher, by my bodyworker. Ellen has been my primary teacher for the last two years, and I've done Anusara and a bit of Iyengar, exclusively since 2007. Because they are both alignment-based, I've been able to sharpen my practice and also relax into it and not worry so much about looking "gorgeous," but really learn whatever it is I'm supposed to learn in that practice session.I've also been able to develop a strong home practice, however, in the last moth, I've really struggled with practicing at home. More often than not, I've done a truncated practice, or not practiced at all. And especially since my teacher is traveling to teach a lot this summer, I thought I'd better look around for some classes.

I really didn't want to go to the City. I've been becoming more and more interested in finding as many of the services I need right in my 'hood of Fort Greene (or nearby 'hoods: Clinton Hill, Bed-Stuy, Prospect Heights, Park Slope, or Cobble Hill/Carroll Gardens/Brooklyn Heights). Farmer's Market on Saturdays, dog park every morning, my CSA is in the City, :(, local shops and restaurants, but what about a yoga studio? My main focus has been on finding Anusara studios, but there are none in my area and sometimes I don't want to get on a bus, train or walk to another part of Brooklyn. I recently had a conversation with a dog-park friend who alerted me to the incredible sale Move with Grace was having.

When I went in to sign up, Owner Grace Tappin, was friendly, warm, helpful and absolutely welcoming. I gave her my $30 for 30 days unlimited classes(!!!) and returned that night for an Open Vinyasa class. Let me preface by saying, I am not a fan of Vinyasa classes, nor am I a fan of using music in a yoga class. However, the small studio itself was clean, beautiful and very relaxed and relaxing. It was an incredible experience to take a yoga class of all black women (save the teacher, who was white), when usually I am the only one in the class. Moreover, I am supporting the local economy, reducing my carbon footprint, actually doing yoga, and supporting a young, black, female entrepreneur. Wins all around!

I'm looking forward to taking the Iyengar class on Sundays and the new Iyengar classes Grace let me know they will be adding. For me, since I have some injuries, alignment-based yoga is the best, and it fits my style, but it was nice to feel invigorated by last night's class, even if that will not be my regular practice. Move with Grace has a wide variety of classes (if not yoga styles) and other types of movement classes, such as Ballet for Adults and Belly dancing! Fun!

I also think I've been infected by the fallacy that only the City has good studios. This is particularly false when many of the great and good teachers training or being trained live in Brooklyn. As my schedule changes significantly in the fall, it will be good to be able to pop down the street, pay $10 for a class, and walk home and cook dinner. So, if you live in Fort Greene, Clinton Hill, or Bed-Stuy, you should check out Move with Grace. They also give discounts to college and university students and money off class packages if you sign up online.

If anyone knows any studios that offer Anusara or Iyengar classes in the FG/CH/BS area, let me know.

Holla! and Namaste.

The Dyke of Beauty

I've been thinking a lot about my relationship to beauty--specifically beautiful women. It's been a bit of an experiment, really. As I've been easing back into the dating world these last six months or so, I've noticed my responses to women who find me attractive, or vice versa, seem stuck somewhere in awkward adolescence. It's made me curious about the "oh gosh darn it miss" vibe I sometimes give off, as well as how beauty is determined from the vantage point of a woman who loves woman.

Scene 1: We're in the club, some great summer banger is playing, maybe "No Letting Go," most likely, "Boom Boom Pow" and you know how the gays do, one hand up in the air, sexy hips shaking, a little peek of the hip bones...nice. So a fly Nicaraguan shortie approaches me, kicks a bit of game and I am smiling, whispering in her ear, letting her hands slide down to grasps each hip, encouraging her to explore...but of course, I'm looking at the other ladies, feeling there is something missing, something more, someone who when I see her, I will know...

The next day I reflected on my tension and lack of casualness at the West Village/Chelsea club. It's not like I really think I will meet the love of my life out at the club, but there's a certain level of posturing and manufactured desire that nightclubs are designed to produce. and silly, sometimes adolescent me falls for it.

Scene 2: I'm walking down Myrtle Avenue, on my way to the organic health food store and an older West Indian gentleman stops me to tell me how fine and chocolate-y I am. He relates, in his gorgeous, lilting accent, how he told his friend I ride a bike to "look as fine and sexy as ya do." I told him, "no, I do yoga," and we proceeded to talk about his daughter's (who is older than me!) yoga studio in the 'hood. He was delightful, we speak every time we see one another, and I felt really happy about our interaction.

It took me a long time to relate to compliments and attention from men. Sometimes I was intimated, sometimes I would be enraged or feel oppressed, other times, I was simply baffled ("can't they see how GAY I am??"), and still other times, I manipulated and lead them on in order to feel good about myself--in order to feel confident with women. Now, I feel grateful. Physical beauty is a gift. I know being someone who is considered attractive makes my life easier. I know my ability to pass makes my life easier. I am no longer so arrogant or ungrateful as to dismiss genuine attempts to be kind to me, or get my attention, or to be seen by me. I know what it feels like to want to be seen and I know how to handle dudes who get out of line.

I was never the pretty one in elementary, middle or high school. It wasn't until college that I really came into my own. As a matter of fact, It wasn't until I started experimenting with my gender presentation that I started to feel "beautiful." I'm not sure how that worked, but somehow, when I wore my ridiculously large JNCO jeans and skater sneakers, schoolboy sweater and matching Giants cap, I felt beautiful. I also felt protected. My body wasn't on display, yet it was in a way. I was alluding to what was underneath through an unisex fashion sense. At that time, I identified as a "girl fag," feeling like my femininity was exaggerated, playful, fierce and diva-like, just like the gay men who I loved growing up had taught me. But I didn't feel my femininity was embodied, and certainly not biological.

Lately, I've been playing with drag: One day I was doing high femme diva bitch during the summer (let me tell you, I was hit on by some strange parts of the NYC demographic); next was schoolboy realness (omg! I was so cute with my backpack, khaki shorts, polo shirt and glasses); and lately I've been feeling sporty femme 80's retro--big high tops, fat laces, neon colors, tight jeans and tight shirts. There is something being liberated in me that I haven't totally formulated or conceptualized, I am simply experiencing it with a tremendous amount of excitement and energy. being queer for me, has always been incredibly complex, but it's always been honest. I feel as though, for a time, I moved away from being queerly fierce, as though there was something juvenile about that, something undignified and regressive. I've found that my queerness thrives mostly when I am free to experiment with how I want to be in the world, when I am not blindly falling into the trappings of hetero- or homonormativity.

So, I'm just observing: how am I when I'm kicking it to women? Is my confidence or sense or worth swayed by who's interested in me? Am I really that shallow? I have to say though, I'm having the more genuine fun then I've had in years.


Femme Diva

school boy realness