Monday, December 08, 2008

I Love NY, Part Two

So. It's cold. In the teens cold. Bitterly, miserably cold. Yet, I feel like jumping up and doing a little Irish jig. Why? Because everything's coming up (frozen) roses. Who knows? Life's Too Good, especially when it sometimes sucks donkey balls.

Anywho, So, I Love NY, Part Deux. I had a really great picture of some crazy-ass stickers, imparting such gems as " God The Father," in the font of The Godfather. Trez Awe-sume! And one other koo-koo one, but alas, I've lost them. So instead of talking about that, I want to talk about... DATING!

Oh. My. God! It's insane!!! Why do we do it??? It's so much fun. Seriously, I feel like I am on the coolest, scariest, sexiest ride of my life and it's basically due to the fact that I finally feel relaxed enough to be myself. At thirty-something years old (and from what I hear, that isn't too old to make these sort of discoveries), I'm pretty okay with me. Now, it took a failed marriage (okay we can pressure the term "failed," but the shit is over, so yeah, failed works), and a failed long-term relationship, for me to accept a lot a truths about myself, but I am beginning to do just that.

Truth Number 1: I am a NERD. I have hid this perceived shameful secret my whole life, but now that shit has cache (uhh, add the accent) so I am going with it. Nerd qualifications: Battlestar Galactica fan (old and new),HUGE Buffy/Josh Whedon fan (I know all the words top all the songs of Once More with Feeling)...that's right. I own several rolly carts (so maybe that's more granny than nerdy), I own comic boo--uh, graphic novels. I posses dictionaries in multiple languages. Sci-Fi turns me on. Stop me before I kill again!!!!

Truth Number 2: My middle name is Romantical. Ahhh, to be a mushball. Do you know there are people out there who are ashamed of being romantic? Mon Dieu!!! I am proud to say, I am a total mush ball. A pragmatic one, but soft and mushy at the center nonetheless. How do I know this? Well, let's see: I love breaking into song to express my feelings (this could also be a sign of delusional psychosis, but let's go with romance). Right now...I refuse to say what song is in my head right now. That will be my secret shame. Anywho, sweet, sappy, heart songs. woo-hoo! Don't fuck wit it. Oh, that was an earmuffs moment for the eyes. Sorry.

Truth Number 3: La La gets mean and/or derivative from this point on, so let's just say that up close and personal, I have the same degree of warts and faults as all people, but am becoming increasingly relaxed about them. Basically, I care less about what you may think and more about how to be authentically me in the moment. This basically translates into treating myself and others well. As a friend once said to me, "we can do things that hurt people's feelings, but I promise no bullshit." Pretty cool and quite a challenge. Sorry for cussin'.

Truth Number 4: I have no idea what is going on. This is probably the truest of the true, but hell's bells, I am enjoying the unknown. It's really fun liking ladies and I had forgotten that. I got away from what was basic about me: I'm silly and light and serious and super-cute and arrogant and inappropriate and loyal and fierce and kind and all sorts of human contradictions and foibles and loveliness. Yea.

Truth Number 5: Kissing. Is heaven. I forgot just how much fun it is. I mean for those of you who like the ladies, whoa, ladies lips are super-soft. Amazing!!!! And NY ladies are sort of crazy but also really direct, upfront and take-charge--I dig that. Referring back to Truth Numero Dos, I am a typical Libran lover of hearth and home and family, but also, until I settle down, I like to be generous with my affections. I don't mean being loose or throwing it around, just being cautious and getting to know folks. wait, this was about kissing. Okay, kissing rocks. next paragraph.

I do the "ohhh you're intriguing, let's get together" thing, but you know, I may not really be feeling that person or her feeling me after a few months. But by then, you're trapped and in the "trying to work it out" phase. No thanks. Smooches, chilling, getting to know you, making sure you're not married, insane or from the Planet Marklar is where I'm at these days.

So I'm definitely looking forward to finding someone I can chill with long-term, but for now, the adventures continue and I welcome them.


Madame K said...

OMG, Yes!

Life is just too short for the "trying to work it out" phase.

Go forth and have fun!

Shante Paradigm said...

I know. It's not being shady, but also realizing that I put a lot of energy into "well, let's see what's going on." Now, I am trying to just cut it if not interested. I'm getting better at it.